I wouldn't bring it up as in omg serious business, I would mention it like people would mention being diabetic, or asthmatic. I have a very similar history to yours and I don't think I've ever been or felt judged. I had a rough time in school, I left, I came back and did well. The ADHD doesn't even need to come up until you're genuinely ready. Lots of people have a rough time the first few years of college.
Lots of people go back and turn it around after growing up a little more. It's not a terrible secret. In fact I think you'll find more people had messy rooms, got bad grades, and played too many video games than not. You can admit you had a hard time, if it comes up, without mentioning your condition or your meds if you don't want to.
Oh, hon, this is so much less of a big deal than you think it is. I have Tourette Syndrome which has got to be at least as misunderstood in the US as ADHD is in Australia and an anxiety disorder, with a past that includes a long stint in residential treatment, and it's not something that I've ever even considered to be a big deal to disclose to someone I'm dating.
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I think the important part is to not make it a big conversation, just bring it up naturally when it comes up; the reason it might not be a first date topic isn't because it's some big secret. It's not a a first date topic because it is actually not a big deal at all. I wouldn't even sweat it.
Talk about it whenever it comes up naturally. This isn't something that really warrants "disclosure" in a major sense. I feel like that is reserved for conditions that will put a burden on your partner or create significant challenges to being in a relationship. Not to minimize your struggles with it, but I don't believe that managed ADHD is that type of condition. I'm 22 and have been diagnosed with ADD for the past year or so. I would agree with the people who say that ADD isn't something that warrants disclosure in any sort of serious sense.
A lot of people have first rounds of university that end with them dropping out or failing out, regardless of whether they have ADD. If it comes up and is relevant, mention it. If it doesn't, then there's not an immediate pressing need. Besides, in most relationships that go past the first few dates, there tends to be a sort of disclosure period anyways where people talk about various "complicated" aspects of their lives -- diagnoses, family problems, whatever. You don't have to disclose any of this until you've been with somebody long enough to know you want to stick it out for a while.
I consider this sort of thing not a first date or even third or fourth date topic.
If you're still together after a couple months, then you can make your way around to personal issues. In the meantime, just decline to have more than your standard two drinks and if your dates aren't socially smart enough to pick up on the pace of the evening, move on to the next one. This is your personal medical information, and you need not disclose it until and unless you feel very close to someone, like you are thinking of intertwining your lives together.
I would never ever think of disclosing something like this on the second date as someone above wrote , any more than I would disclose any other personal medical information so soon. As I've learned from hard experience I don't have ADHD but have another issue that can be a deal-breaker for some people: Disclosing things like this too soon can give the other person a reason to rule you out, when in fact if they gave you a chance they'd find you to be compatible. A lot of people are flighty in the beginning of a relationship, and like to see "red flags" everywhere, for the most minor human foibles many of these people are also posting on metafilter; they are the DTMFA crowd.
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If you let someone get to know you, they are more likely to accept the ADHD as part of who you are. If you tell too soon, they are more likely to let it define you in their eyes. I'd urge you to rethink your categorical anti-recreational-drug-use stance. Being against recreational drug use for yourself is fine, but being hard-line intolerant, period, of any drug use, ever, for anyone reeks of exactly the type of judgement YOU don't want to experience for yourself.
I've not found my now managed ADHD to be any kind of barrier whatsoever to dating. You have no need to disclose this to your partner at any time and you certainly don't need to tell them your history if you don't want to. Seriously, it's not that big of a deal in North America at least. I can honestly say that it's no big deal and the general response varies from: If anything, they might need more information on the serious side of it because I suspect most Australians would think along the lines of "ADD?
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Yeah that ain't no big deal". I can't even remember when my partner told me he had ADHD, it was such a non-issue. It was somewhat early on in our relationship, I think. He was also diagnosed as an adult.
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ADHD would be a dealbreaker for me, so I'd suggest at least causally mentioning it at some point. I also act it, and then some. This is mostly a blessing, but not always. In general, that is. New squeeze, ignore that last comment. Alcohol, books, and intense conversations with friends. Okay, I can live without alcohol, but only if I get to play rock music a lot or sit around all day reading a book.
Or have a lot of sex. Otherwise, I choose red wine or vodka coolers. And a spiritual practice. There are lots more, but I forget. Or what I did last weekend. What questions would you like to see included on your profile on my new dating site? Or via RSS Feed. Find help or get online counseling now. Especially when my clients are women. While they have all signed up for matchmaking services, they continue to go out on multiple dates per week and continue exploring their options even when presented with marriage minded men who are ready to commit to the right person.
While the internet has always been abuzz with the reasons why Tinder and similar dating apps work for men, little has been written about how women with low self-esteem interpret the high number of matches from attractive men. Most of these women are not aware that this is going on. The more insightful women will say they enjoy meeting new men and often rate attractiveness of a partner as a necessity.
What I see as a professional is the unhealthy need to have a man validate her physical appearance. Not surprisingly these relationships are often full of drama with intense highs and lows. According to research, however, this finding is not surprising. A study conducted by Blackhart found that those people higher in rejection sensitivity were more likely to use online dating.