Proactive dating

Internet Dating 101: Be Proactive and Attract Your Perfect Match

Being hung up on an ex-partner or having fears or trust issues will create negative energy that could repel a potential partner and sabotage your success. You may even attract the wrong kind of partner, the exact opposite of what you think you want. Going for a mini-makeover, getting a new haircut or going to the gym — sorry but physical appearances do matter in the world of love, so present yourself at your best. Throwing out any old clothes, momentos, photos or presents from old ex-partners — get rid of any lingering energy from old relationships.

Mentally and emotionally forgive previous lovers for breaking your heart, leaving any bitterness behind you. Literally create space in your life. This may mean clearing your calendar so you have time for dates in your busy schedule or clearing out one side of your closet so your new partner will have some room! If you think you have serious emotional blocks that you need to deal with first, I recommend talking to a good therapist.

If you have some confidence issues, then have a coaching session with me and we can talk about it together about what could be holding you back from embracing love. These actions clear the decks and leave you physically, emotionally and enegetically ready for a brand new relationship, not a repeat of your old one.

Why not just jump in and date someone? For the record, I used this exact dating system when I was living in London during my single girl days. I met some genuinely lovely men after they passed my numerous gate-keeping , and it was a lot of fun. But, I didn't meet my husband through internet dating. Get your intentions right and the rest is actually really simple. Ok — let's do it! If you want to win the lottery you have to buy a ticket. Take this first step and take control over your love life.


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Find a reputable online dating site like eHarmony Dating and sign up as a paid member for at least three months. Every dating site will allow you to create a free profile but only do this on one site and pay to upgrade to full member. This is important because otherwise it will slow down your success because you will be unable to send and receive messages properly and you might get discouraged quickly. Browse a few dating profiles on some sites to see what the approximate age ranges and interests are. Only choose a site where you feel comfortable with the imagery used.

Be aware that many sites will use fake profiles to look like they have more available singles than they actually have. Some dating websites are targeted at a particular religious group like JDate for Jewish singles or sites for Christian singles, an age range or lifestyle factors.


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Create a profile and choose a recent photo. Note, I said recent! It sets up all sorts of questions in the mind of the viewer — is that an ex? Are they still around? Double demerit points for posting your wedding photo from your last marriage. No matter how long your arms are, the angle gives everyone a double chin and taking a picture of yourself in the mirror looks really weird. Posting a photo of yourself in better days with a full head of hair and 30 kgs lighter is only going to set yourself up for disappointment later.

Yes, some women prefer bald, cuddly men!

The message is that you want to be completely honest. Somewhere out there is a perfect match for you — not the person you think you have to pretend to be. Getting confused about this will delay finding someone.

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Just make sure your face is clearly visible and the best photos are from the waist up to show your approxmiate body type. These things are great conversation starters and makes your photo stand out amongst the photoshoppeds-double-chinned ones. The profile is no different and this is where a lot of people agonise before finally giving up.


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  • Keep it fairly short, so don't stress about it. You'll be using your profile just as a starting page, you'll be getting a LOT more proactive than that! Stick to a simple formula of introducing yourself name, age, occupation and a few lines about your hobbies and likes, and then what you are looking for in a few words. Please, please don't start your profile with the words "I don't know what to write", or "I've never done this before, but here goes! Most sites let you fill in your desired characteristics too, such as "non-smoking".

    Only specify things that are deal breakers. If you're not bothered about height or weight, then don't put a preference. You can always weed this out afterwards further down the track. Just be honest - if you're crazy about a particular hobby or have some interesting fact about yourself, write about it briefly but leave some information back - it's not an essay! In marketing terms this would be creating a sales funnel. This is where most people start to get discouraged with internet dating and frankly just don't put the necessary work in!

    Dating Decisions: Being Proactive in Dating

    Most people put their profile up, browse a few profiles and half-heartedly try and contact a few interesting looking people and wait for their inbox to start filling up. Firstly, a lot of people on the site aren't fully paid up members, so although they can view profiles, in some cases they can't receive messages until they upgrade. Secondly, they might take a quick look at your profile and decide that you don't have compatible interests and so they don't message you back.

    Either way - end of the line. If you've read this far, I know you're willing to do something different! You have to create an interesting private message and send it to the profiles you like. This is to create interest and is your first little "hook" to stimulate discussion. You're not proposing marriage here, you're just getting them to respond to you to make sure a they aren't a wacko b they are a real person. You can enter a "because I like cooking too" if you want to personalise it for each person, but it has to be maximum one line, there are plenty of fish you need to hook.

    A bit about me: But enough about me - tell me more about yourself - what's your favourite place in the world to travel? Ending on a question can prompt a response and you're not asking for a date, it's all very easy and conversational. Don't get emotionally invested in each profile and start fantasizing about what your future children would look like. Glance over it and make a snap decision about whether to send them your message or not. I once tried to get advice from a gay friend of mine and we simply did not have the same taste in men.

    Focus on what you personally find attractive, not caring about what anybody else thinks. I sent a message like this to over 70 profiles. I just sat there at my computer one night, copy and pasting this message to interesting people. I want you to send it to at least 50 profiles.

    Dating Decisions: Being Proactive in Dating | HuffPost

    How many responses do you think you'd get from emails? Considering that most profiles are not active, but you've got a nice picture and you're sending to appropriate matches, then expect to get at least 20 responses. Now you can start personalising your responses. For each response you get from your mass mail-out, send back another message and ask great questions about their profile, hobbies or photos. Within a couple of responses, you can usually gauge someone's mental health. Look out for dodgy or inappropriate comments, sexual comments, angry rants or insults.

    If something raises a red flag for you, stop the conversation. As Oprah says, "Believe people when they show you who they are". If someone discloses they are fresh out of jail, a frequent drug user or have a history of violence, that's not an invitation to save them, ditch that fish right back in the sea and move on. Don't forget internet safety. Never reveal personal details like your address, phone number or location to anyone, let alone bank details or social security numbers.

    If anyone presses for personal information or asks for money, immediately block them or report them to the administrators.