The dumpee can walk away and say they said their peace, and now it's NC time. Finally, just telling people that in general, reconciliation is possible isn't giving them the green light to do anything. Telling them there is little chance is not only false and an overgeneralization, it isn't going to help the dumper to let go completely.
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Letting go of hope is a process. Our words or statements won't be able to speed it up or slow it down, it happens naturally. I know you don't like me calling people on this site jaded and bitter, but i'm not really directing it at any one person. Just the overall tone I see sometimes. I'm sorry you find it unhelpful, but I think it's relevant sometimes to point out to people. I don't want any poster to think they have a good chance of reconciliation, nor do I want them to think all hope is probably lost.
I want them to have a balanced realistic view of their situation so they can make appropriate choices. In my opinion LC works only if the dumpee truly has no expectations and isn't emotionally invested like they were at the time of the break. If their emotions have reset, then they can LC all they want and I'd be cool with it. But usually those people aren't on boards like this asking for advice on how to proceed -- they just go with it. It's all about knowing the audience, and the vast majority of people who come to sites like this asking for advice on how to get their ex back aren't going to handle LC very well at all.
Originally Posted by organizedchaos. This makes no sense. It wasn't overtly cold and you meant so much to your ex that they dumped you and tossed you in the trash? Yet a lot of people come here who have just broken up for the first time.
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I think for many of them they come here in a high level of crisis. Its a huge wake up call and a light bulb does go off.
If they are ready and the dumper takes them back and isn't doing it out of pity or familiarity , I think they stand a good chance no matter how long they were apart. Immediately deleting and throwing things away often is sometimes more of a delaying tactic or a bold statement to be vindictive than an actual healing tool. If it is truly a healing tool then I support it.
Last edited by Simon Phoenix; 27th February at 3: All times are GMT The time now is 2: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number. Contact Us - LoveShack. Add Thread to del. Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back?
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Page 2 of 2. Originally Posted by Cedar27 However, if you go to enotalone they have a giant thread with with thousands of stories of reconciliation.
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X Share Share this post on Digg Del. Originally Posted by Simon Phoenix As someone who is also on Enotalone, this is an unbelievable exaggeration. The dumper will never hurt the way they made you hurt - but on the other hand they have to live without forgiveness, validation, or a new rationalization for what they've done. That is a special kind of hell. Reserved for those special few. Originally Posted by erklat You did not understand at all what Simon meant with the fresh relationship.
I have a feeling like you immediately knew what you had to do Share Share this post on Digg Del. Originally Posted by Cedar27 I still enjoy posting here, but you got to admit…. Originally Posted by Cedar27 The people who instantly remove their ex out of their life via social media blocking, deleting photos, etc.
This man was a big part of your life for a long time. No contact is NOT a tool to getting your ex back, it is a tool for healing yourself. In some ways, no contact gives the two of you a cooling down period which may help the reconciliation process but in no way should you be using it primarily as a method to get him back. If you want him back, i'd suggest telling him.
Reach out to him one last time. Own up to the things you need to work on, apologize for what you've done, tell him how much you care, you want to give it another shot, and then see what he says. If he wants no part of it, don't try to negotiate or convince him to take you back.
Say you you will leave him alone for now, but you've said your peace. If he changes his mind he has your number, but at a certain point you will have to try and move on too.
By the way, exes do come back. I don't know the percentage, but it is certainly not as low as the people here make it out to be.
My brother for example was left by his current wife in college for almost a year. They've now been happily married for 25 years with two kids. Many loveshack posters would have told him it was done, go no contact forever and never take her back. Another person I know just got married to a woman, and they are so in love. They broke up years back and dated other people before realizing they were meant to be together. People come to this site in crisis full of bitterness and negativity about a break up.
Those that reconcile don't flock to these websites as much to tell their stories. They are usually too busy and happy to think about it. Loveshack has a bit more of a jaded bent to its content. That being said, don't get your hopes up unrealistically but don't think that reconciliation will never happen.
If its meant to be it will be, and many happy couples have at one point broken up. Sometimes it brings them back stronger. Life isn't black and white. Originally Posted by Simon Phoenix Which is exactly why the No Contact measures that you seem to dismiss are in place. Originally Posted by Cedar27 I agree with you that in many, many cases no contact is the way to go. Originally Posted by Simon Phoenix In my opinion LC works only if the dumpee truly has no expectations and isn't emotionally invested like they were at the time of the break.
As for the one last attempt, I actually agree.
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But once again, I truly believe that people exhaust that option before posting on sites like this, usually right after it happens. Going back and doing it again doesn't really serve much of a purpose IMO. And the vast majority of relationships that get into a rapid breakup-makeup pattern stay chaotic. But yeah, basically my main beef with you is the putting down of posters with divergent opinions by labeling them. It really does undermine what you are saying when you take it to that level. You seem like you are intelligent even though I disagree with many of your thoughts , so there's no need to take cheap shots.
Let your points and justifications speak for themselves. Originally Posted by organizedchaos This makes no sense. They'd tell him to go NC until the ex beats down your door and makes it clear they want to try again. Originally Posted by Cedar27 Immediately deleting and throwing things away often is sometimes more of a delaying tactic or a bold statement to be vindictive than an actual healing tool. I have seen numerous times posters advise people on here to not take their ex back no matter what unfortunately. Sometimes reconciliations happen when one person reaches out and says "Hi", and then it takes off from there.
Still, the best chance of reconciliation is when the ex comes back with clear intentions…don't disagree with you there. Winning my ex back after a difficult breakup. Want her back so badly. Increasing the chances of getting back with a LDR when he moves back home.