Dating a conservative christian

Okay, apart from that: Yes, marriages can work between people with radically different religious beliefs. I am quite religious and my husband hates organized religion with the hatred of a thousand burning nuns. OTOH, my religious commitments don't include a commitment to avoiding any kind of sexual activities outside of marriage. So we didn't face that particular hurdle in our courtship. As for "interfaith marriages with kids," it depends. I know people for whom it works well, including an Episcopal priest married to a Jewish man whose children are being raised Jewish.

Probably true in the case of this Christian you're infatuated with, in that she probably believes she is going against this verse, but "unequally yoked" doesn't directly refer to marriage. For example, the Catholic Church does take note of this verse, but only stipulates that the children be raised Catholic.

It's a verse that definitely speaks of separation between believers and non-believers, but I can think of other areas in life where many Christians are grossly violating this other than the realm of marriage. There are some posters on Metafilter including St Alia of the Bunnies who constantly cite Christianity and the Bible as monolithic entities and it does a disservice to its diversity of interpretations and expressions.

As Martin Luther said: I marvel that the blasphemous tyrants are not in their hearts ashamed to place themselves in such direct contradiction to the clear text of Paul in I Corinthians 7 [: Peter, in I Peter 3 [: Know therefore that marriage is an outward, bodily thing, like any other worldly undertaking. Just as I may eat, drink, sleep, walk, ride with, buy from, speak to, and deal with a heathen, Jew, Turk, or heretic, so I may also marry and continue in wedlock with him.

Pay no attention to the precepts of those fools who forbid it.

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You will find plenty of Christians, and indeed the greater part of them, who are worse in their secret unbelief than any Jew, heathen, Turk, or heretic. A heathen is just as much a man or a woman-God's good creation-as St. Lucy, not to speak of a slack and spurious Christian. Interfaith marriages can work well I know a few , but you have to accept each other. Her Christianity is part of the package-- you can't be undermining it, or hoping it will go away.

You have to be comfortable with skipping sex till marriage, politely dealing with her Christian friends or family, accepting that she's going to spend Sunday mornings or whatever in church. You would have to carefully work out how to deal with kids-- expect her to want to bring them up as Christians. If that sounds like a hassle, you aren't right for each other. As for sexual compatibility, there are ways to explore this before marriage-- talking, for instance.

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Of course there are things she won't know, but it should be clear enough what her overall level of interest is. A lot of this depends on how strong her convictions are in the heat of hot petting action. The "saving herself" line might be an intellectual position that she has never needed to test in practice.

And as many have said, sex up to but not including penetration can be pretty satisfying anyway.

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What is her romantic history? I would keep dating her and see how things go. I took the term "quality" as per Urban Dictionary's second definition, which implies the poster is probably British to be a slang word, like "cool" or "amazing" -- not something to be judged about. I know a lot of females atheists or not who were firm about not having sex before marriage, right up to the point where they were in long term relationships -- they changed their minds.

The Challenges of Dating While Conservative

So if she is particularly romantically inexperienced, all you might have to do is wait A she has a degree in theology and is saving herself for marriage. Plus B I would usually prefer that someone has had a chance to learn and explore and have a mature sexuality. Virginity is a may sound fun, but i'd prefer someone who's excited to share their kinks rather then find out they have none Neither of you are right or wrong, but you are not right for each other.

For what it's worth, academics at the Australian National University "tracked the relationships and characteristics of nearly couples between and ", and found that "country of birth, religious background and education levels" were not factors that contributed to an increased chance of marriage breakdown. Think further down the road. Are you okay with having your children raised Christian? Are you okay with having your lifestyle affected by church? Religious differences cause many problems in marriages, and it's not just sex.

In terms of "starting a family," I think the important things are 1 assume she wants to raise the children with the values she's devoted to, and 2 determine whether you can endorse that. I mean, I personally wouldn't want my daughter raised to think of premarital sex as lowering her value to her future husband. That's just a message that I don't like in itself and that also is easily garbled into something even uglier.

There are doubtless other messages I'd imagine a devoutly Christian spouse would send to our children that I wouldn't like just as a potential example, a heavy emphasis on gender roles, with the attendant message that gay is not OK.


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Basically, the problem with raising children with someone who doesn't share your values is that you want your children to learn your values. OTOH, religion is not the only window into values, and even two people devoted to different religions can share the same values and therefore have little difficulty negotiating the issue of what you're teaching your children. This may be a little outdated. The young mothers I know who are devout Christians are all heavily influenced by a message that I think has been delivered by a lot of outlets lately -- to "never say no," that an active sex life and enthusiastic sex partner are important to men's fulfillment in marriage, and a good wife should provide that for her husband.

Like I said, heavy emphasis on gender roles.

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What Burhanistan said, basically. I knew when I saw the question that there would be a preponderance of "OMG she's Christian and she won't have sex right away? If you can't deal with the Christianity or the lack of premarital sex, then obviously you should look elsewhere. But it's silly to think that the relationship can't work because of those factors.

Plenty of good relationships have survived both religious imbalance and lack of premarital sex; I strongly suspect, for instance, that my own parents' marriage met both conditions, and yet it flourished like the green bay tree. If you love her as opposed to being "quite taken by" her , I suggest you give the relationship a chance and see where it goes. There's really no telling in advance.


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  • I just wanted to add that the MOST conservative Christians don't tend to approve of women studying theology. Christians are much less homogenous than popularly believed. And there's nothing wrong with that, people think they know what they want - sure, saving yourself for marriage sounds great - but changing their mind is OK too as situations change. Not saying she would do that, and not saying you should date her with the hope that she'll change, but find out about her past dating history.

    If she's never dated anyone for more than 2 months then she might not even know how what's it's like to want to physically be with someone. If she's in a good healthy trusting relationship she might change her mind. Also, if I WERE to marry this woman, she is christian and that is a big basis of how she makes decisions and handles and appreciates life.

    My biological parents split because my father "found" Jesus and insisted that my mother also convert, lest she go to hell. Now, my father's a little nutso, but I know that there is immense pressure within the Christian community not to become "unequally yoked" with non-believers. Huge, huge, HUGE barrier that has proved insurmountable to many a couple. I know that there is immense pressure within the Christian community not to become "unequally yoked" with non-believers Within some Christian communities, absolutely.

    And I think that's something important, that is sometimes overlooked. So the Bible does not give us a list of sexual boundaries we are not to cross in Christian dating.

    The Teaching Ministry of Mark Ballenger

    Rather, again, it gives us two big categories we are to stay within: Sexual experiences away from your spouse are sin. Sexual experiences with your spouse are good. The trickier part will be to define what is an act rooted in sexual desire and what is an act that is simply a sign of affection. Read the article for more on this. This list of important dating boundaries for Christians could go on and on.