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So, don't wait any longer. Create your profile for free and start browsing through profiles. I was not surprised to hear sconcing at a university dinner. But I was horrified at the racial, sexual and aggressive undertones of the sconce, displayed in such a public manner. Throughout my Oxford degree, I have both been regarded as an exotic token for men, evidenced through continual questioning of: Where are you from?

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Yet, I have also been confronted by many who have boldly declared their disgust at my being both black and a woman. And my president sang "Amazing Grace. One friend posted that she would never again sit with her back to a White man. That week, Drew and I went to a Braves game, and had to walk through "the hood" at night to get back to my home. I was frightened and my senses were heightened, because I was a woman, who didn't look like the locals, walking through the hood near midnight with my full purse slung across my shoulder.

And I was walking with a White man during one of the most racially tense weeks of the year. I felt like a mark. It broke his heart. Drew held my hand as we walked through the neighborhood, and he told stories to try and distract me from my panic. He confessed that he was not afraid -- be it his spiritual resolve or because he never had to learn the same fears as me growing up. I took off my precious gold ring and put it in my cheek. Fifty feet from home, we approached a group of locals under a streetlight and my fears got the best of me. Because what if the sight of us together incited something that we couldn't be saved from?

I felt like Mildred Loving. He held my hand to secure us, and I let his go to do the same.


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This seems to be a central lesson in our relationship -- how to love in hard places and to not let go when a good love is threatened by fear and anger real or imagined from the outside. To overcome the threat as one.

And how could I not, when he loves me so damn I have been mis-loved and mistreated in expert quantity. I have finally fallen in love or risen with a good man, because the support I imagined found me without my asking.

Because a love like this is unadulterated -- and not subject to the angers and judgments and fears and ignorance of people nor nations. Because, in case you haven't heard, LoveWins. A version of this post originally appeared on You Are The Truth. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Young man's and woman's clasped hands, close up. A record screeched and stopped in my head.

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What in the hell?! You don't even know me. You can't love me. I don't have to know you to feel you. By my return two hours later, all hell had broken loose. We don't want to share a bathroom with White people. We don't want to be under the same roof with White people.


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  • Thus, while I was indeed really Black, I still wasn't quite Black enough. Does he try to act Black?