So, read on, and by the end of the article hopefully you will have gained some insight and will able to answer the question that he poses in his title. Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness.
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Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective. Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future.
We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.
Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment — not three weeks. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper — throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things.
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At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you — but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability — and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them — fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly — as though you deserved it. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends — sometimes even their family.
You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.
Are You Dating a “Loser”?
The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. They give you the impression that you had it anger, yelling, assault coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression. They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment.
Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of — telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner.
If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again making you a prisoner and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are.
Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth.
They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later.
This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them — somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.
They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them — eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves.
The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time.
If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt — hit the road. The Reputation As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. Pay attention to the reputation. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high.
You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. Chinese-style flirtatiousness is termed sajiao Chinese: Romantic love is more difficult during times of financial stress, and economic forces can encourage singles, particularly women, to select a partner primarily on financial considerations. Some men postpone marriage until their financial position is more secure and use wealth to help attract women.
One trend is towards exclusive matchmaking events for the 'rich and powerful'; for example, an annual June event in Wuhan with expensive entry-ticket prices for men 99, RMB lets financially secure men choose so-called bikini brides based on their beauty and education ,  and the financial exclusivity of the event was criticized by the official news outlet China Daily. A brave lover in Beijing must be prepared to accept a paradigm shift to enjoy the cross-cultural dating experience.
Relationships between students preparing for college are frowned upon by many parents in China. There was a report that sexual relations among middle schoolers in Guangzhou sometimes resulted in abortions. Indian dating is heavily influenced by the custom of arranged marriages which require little dating, although there are strong indications that the institution is undergoing change, and that love marriages are becoming more accepted as India becomes more intertwined with the rest of the world. In the cities at least, it is becoming more accepted for two people to meet and try to find if there is compatibility.
The majority of Indian marriages are arranged by parents and relatives, and one estimate is that 7 of every 10 marriages are arranged.
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Writer Lavina Melwani described a happy marriage which had been arranged by the bride's father, and noted that during the engagement, the woman was allowed to go out with him before they were married on only one occasion; the couple married and found happiness. Until recently, Indian marriages had all the trappings of a business transaction involving two deal-making families, a hardboiled matchmaker and a vocal board of shareholders — concerned uncles and aunts.
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The couple was almost incidental to the deal. They just dressed and showed up for the wedding ceremony. And after that the onus was on them to adjust to the 1, relatives, get to know each other and make the marriage work. Relationships in which dating is undertaken by two people, who choose their dates without parental involvement and sometimes carry on clandestine get-togethers, has become increasingly common.
When this leads to a wedding, the resulting unions are sometimes called love marriages. There are increasing instances when couples initiate contact on their own, particularly if they live in a foreign country; in one case, a couple met surreptitiously over a game of cards. Dating websites are gaining ground in India. Writer Rupa Dev preferred websites which emphasized authenticity and screened people before entering their names into their databases, making it a safer environment overall, so that site users can have greater trust that it is safe to date others on the site.