A fter losing someone you love, the idea of dating again can be almost unthinkable. Some people decide to never be in a relationship again, and many see that through.
Others jump straight back into it, attempting to quickly remedy their feelings or find a replacement for their lost loved one. Understandably there is a natural desire to overcome loneliness, which, depending on the situation, can be completely unexpected.
It is also common to think you are betraying your ex by dating anew. But everyone deserves to be happy, and if that means finding romance again , that should be embraced. There is no set time frame on when to be ready to start dating again. We all process grief in different ways.
Only you can decide when is the right time, and testing the water could be the only way of finding out. L uckily, these days, a number of apps and dating websites such as Widows Dating Online , The Widow Dating Club and Widowed Singles Near Me are geared specifically at matching and connecting individuals who have lost their loved ones.
Meanwhile, broader popular dating sites such as eHarmony also cater to those who are ready to find love again. We caught up with Abel Keogh, author of Dating a Widower , to seek advice for those returning to the dating world and to hear about his own personal experiences as a widow. What I was writing about apparently resonated with readers because I started getting emails from women who were searching for advice about the widowers they were dating. I put my personal experience and recurring issues I saw in the emails into my first book, Dating a Widower.
W hat is the hardest thing about dating again? When I first started dating I was looking for someone who was similar to my late wife both in looks and interests. Once I did, the dates went better and it was easier to open my heart to those who were very different. A re there any differences between widowed men and women when looking to get back into dating?
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They view the loss of their spouse as a problem that needs to be fixed and see dating and relationships as the best way to mend their broken hearts. Most get their lives and hearts in order before testing the dating waters. They tend to experience similar issues and emotions and make the same mistakes. I was widowed in my 20s and I see widowers in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older making the same mistakes I did.
We match our members to truly compatible Canadians; prioritizing connections that share some common ground. If you're among them. Still not sure about taking the plunge with widower or widow dating? A key challenge when dating again is idealising our deceased partner and the relationship we had with them.
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As the relationship ended because of a death, we can feel that it would never have otherwise ended. That's why it's vital to remember your partner for who they were. Whether widower or widow, dating again can bring you comfort and companionship after loss. Yet, to really see the rewards of this, it is important to remember two things: The danger with comparing and contrasting is that anyone new will be measured according to an unachievable ideal. To bear this in mind is important for anyone serious about beginning to move forward.
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Again, this isn't about replacing anyone or denying their memories - but it is about giving each love in your life their own space. This is true of both the past and of anyone new you might meet. Do give yourself a chance — if your attempt at dating ends in tears, be kind and patient and applaud yourself for having given it a go. That's the way forward.
Hilda Burke is a West-London based integrative psychotherapist, who works with clients on a broad range of issues, including bereavement, infertility, addiction, abuse and depression. See more articles written by Hilda Burke. EliteSingles logo Widow dating. Please select your gender and search gender.