How to De-Stress Dating and Stop Tying Your Worth to Relationships
Now, I wouldn't be a therapist if I didn't gently remind you that not all stress is bad. Learning how to cope with stress in healthy ways is what life is all about, after all. Also, stress is inevitable. So trying to avoid it is probably only going to stress you out more. As they say, what we resist persists. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with how unpredictable dating can be, though. I know women who would give just about anything to know whether or not their crush is actually looking for something serious.
I'm sure you do, too. And we've all had countless conversations trying to help our friends decode the mixed signals they've been given. Or perhaps it's YOU who's trying to decode mixed signals. All the stress and confusion makes it tempting to straight-up ask: Do you like me? And do you want to be with me?! It can be terrifying to put yourself out there and potentially get hurt.
No one likes getting hurt. No one likes looking silly. So if dating is stressing you the heck out right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't know why you've been single for so long and I'm sorry I have no clue what So-and-So's last text means. I'm sorry if you feel lonely and vulnerable and tired of being alone and ready to finally meet someone and annoyed that all your friends are getting married.
I may not be able to wave a magic wand and make all your dating troubles go away, but what I can do is tell you this:. Chances are, there's nothing excessively wrong with you. Any circumstance that's causing you to doubt that probably isn't right for you. The stress you're experiencing right now should be balanced by a good amount of fun. When it comes to dating, stress is normal. Stress without a little fun, however, is torture. You deserve honesty -- from others, of course, but especially from yourself.
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No-pressure dating and the value of friendship
Move on and let them go. You have an infinite well of love to give another person. This love is extremely valuable. Do not underestimate its worth to a potential mate.
There are lots of people in the world. You must maintain the belief that there are more than a few who would love your company. In addition, there is not a timer on your desirability. Go on fun dates. Refuse to turn your dates into stuffy job interviews in contrived romantic situations. Dates are not a matter of national importance. Show up, enjoy yourself and take some of the pressure off. When you adopt a lighthearted attitude it is easier to be fully present and experience the other person in the moment.
Fun takes the pressure off. Then if you two are not a love match, at least you had fun. Elizabeth Stone is an author and relationship coach obsessed with helping people improve their relationships. She writes at WhyMenLeave. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment.
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- 10 Things to Remember When Dating Is Stressing You Out.