Once you find someone you really like, it feels amazing to give your all to them. But what happens when you catch yourself checking out that hottie in line at the supermarket? What about old feelings resurfacing for an ex hook-up? Ariana Annuziato, a junior at Drexel University, has been in two serious relationships, which lasted nearly two years each.
Read on for what you should ask yourself when these crushes come up. Your SO should be the person you want to be with and have there to support you. If you find yourself trying to befriend your crush, you could be entering dangerous territory. The most important part of relationships is communication. I think it all depends on what you identify as a crush. It also received 15 testimonials from readers, earning it our reader-approved status.
Learn to trust her before digging into her past and personal life. Relationships are based on trust. This doesn't mean that you never feel jealous or suspicious; it means you can put those feelings aside and believe in your girlfriend. If you can't trust your girlfriend, maybe you shouldn't be with her.
Suspicion and jealous behaviors pushes people away, especially if you start rooting around her stuff without a good reason.
If she's pushing you away, seems distant, or spends all of her time away from you, then you can feel comfortable asking some questions. Your girlfriend will have other male friends -- that doesn't mean she's giving you up. Try not to feel so threatened by other men. Accept that you can never know what other people are thinking. If she's told someone else she likes them or she's made a move, that's one thing.
But trying to figure out every single crush and passing infatuation is a fool's errand. Think about it -- how often have you had fleeting feelings for someone else? How often have you actually acted upon them? Small crushes are perfectly normal, even in rock-solid relationships. If you try to uncover every one of them you won't be dating her for long. If you look hard at your life, you'll realize that you appear to like other girls when you're just being friendly.
A jealous mind invents stories where there are none. Let her handle her emotions, and you handle yours. If she likes someone else, that's on her.
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It is her job to break up with you and move on, or to realize that her crush doesn't mean that much. At the end of the day it's her actions, not her thoughts, that matter. Paradoxically, this confidence in yourself, knowing that she's your girl and that's that, will make you much more attractive.
Possessive, needy boys end up alone. She is with you already. Unless she's cheating on you, it doesn't matter if she likes someone else temporarily as long as she still loves you. Investigate further if you have reasons to be suspicious, but still want the relationship to work. You need both parts. If you don't have a reason to be suspicious hidden text messages, distant behavior, catching her in lies, etc.
If you don't want the relationship to work, or have a deep distrust you can't shake, then end the relationship.
Who cares if she likes other boys at that point? You have deeper problems in this relationship. Ask yourself seriously why you care if she likes someone else. If you're terrified of losing her, then you should talk to her. If you're blindly enraged at the thought, then you need to take a step back. If you can't find a way to trust her, either because of past issues or because you can't shake the idea that she's into other guys, just break up. See whether she shuns physical intimacy. One of the most obvious, fundamental signs that something is wrong in a relationship is if one partner becomes uncomfortable being physically close to another.
Whether it's holding hands, cuddling, making out, or having sex, being physically intimate requires a great deal of trust from both partners. If one partner knows that the trust has been betrayed, physical intimacy can suddenly start to seem quite awkward and unnatural, even when it was easy before. If your girlfriend all of a sudden seems to recoil at the thought of touching you, something's up — even if it's not infidelity. To be clear, what you're looking for here is a sudden, unexplained reluctance to be physically intimate in ways that you previously were. If you previously were having sex and it doesn't seem to happen any more, this is a sign of a problem.
However, if you've only kissed your girlfriend on the cheek, her unwillingness to have sex with you doesn't mean she's having feelings for someone else. People can take time to progress through the stages of physical intimacy — in fact, progressing too quickly to sex is one of the most comment complaints women have about he physical side of their relationship. Check whether she hides her phone from you. In the modern age, our cell phones and personal electronic devices have become the way in which we keep in touch with our significant other.
However, if your girlfriend has been fooling around with someone else, there's a good chance that her phone was also used to stay up-to-speed with him. Pay attention to the way your girlfriend handles her phone — does she keep it close to herself when she's texting? Has she recently added a password? Does she refuse to let you use it? Does she seem reluctant to let it out of her sight? If so, she may have something to hide. This advice isn't just for cell phones — it's also for other types of electronic gadgets people can use to communicate with each other.
For instance, if your girlfriend keeps shutting her laptop or logging out of her social media profile every time you walk into the room, this can be cause for concern if it's happening alongside some of the other warning signs in this article. Take notice if her schedule suddenly becomes busy. Girlfriends and boyfriends with busy, active lives will occasionally have trouble making time for each other in their schedules. This is perfectly natural and something that most couples have to deal with. However, if your girlfriend suddenly becomes too busy to hang out with you for long periods of time and her explanation doesn't seem to make sense, this can mean that she's spending her free time with someone else.
If your girlfriend has recently had trouble finding the time to hang out with you and her explanations don't seem to hold water, you definitely have reason to be concerned. To help differentiate between normal schedule conflicts and "troublesome" ones, try this trick.
When your girlfriend says that she won't be able to hang out with you, try suggesting a different time. If she still says she can't make it, wait for her to suggest an alternative. Usually, when people want to hang out with each other but they have a schedule conflict, they'll volunteer a different time for hanging out.
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If your girlfriend seems content to let the matter go unresolved, however, this can be a sign that she doesn't really want to hang out with you at all. Look for whether she avoids eye contact. Being able to look someone in the eye is widely-regarded as a sign of sincerity and honesty.
When people know they're or hiding something from someone who's close to them, it can become difficult or almost even painful to look the other person in the eye.
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If your girlfriend suddenly can't seem to meet your gaze, something may be very wrong. Obviously, this doesn't mean that if your girlfriend can look you in the eyes, she's telling the truth. Skilled or particularly remorseless liars can look their significant other in the eye without any problem. It also bears mentioning that some people who are shy or socially awkward can naturally have a hard time looking other people in the eye.
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Look for a change in her habits. When you've been dating someone for a while, their routine and daily habits should become fairly well-known to you simply through spending time with them. Seeing a sudden shift in the way your girlfriend spends her time should automatically feel strange and cause you concern, but if you see it along with some of the other warning signs in this article, you may have reason to be alarmed. This is especially true if your girlfriend's new routine has her doing things she actively avoided doing with you. People are generally more willing to participate in social activities they don't care for at the beginning of a new relationship when doing so may please their new partner.
For instance, let's say that your girlfriend hated going to the beach with her boyfriend in the past, but now has spent the past two weekends with "some friends" at one of their beach houses. As her boyfriend, it's reasonable for you to question this, especially if she pretends that she has always liked the beach.
See whether she starts to dress very differently. For both sexes, a sudden, drastic change in the way someone dresses can be a sign that some other aspect of their life has changed. For instance, it can be a sign that someone has recently become single, has recently lost someone and is grieving, or has recently gotten a new job. However, within the confines of a committed relationship, if someone adopts a drastically different "look" without warning and has no explanation or just unconvincing excuses, it can be a sign that she is trying to impress a third party.
It's an especially worrisome sign if your girlfriend's new look seems to be designed to be attention-seeking or provocative. For instance, someone known for her conservative style of dress is less likely to spontaneously start wearing bare midriffs and low-cut tops than someone without such a reputation. Know if she's ignoring you.
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The thought of getting the "cold shoulder" is enough to make any concerned boyfriend shiver. If you're suspicious of your girlfriend's true intentions, pay attention to the way she treats you when you hang out — does she seem indifferent or disinterested in what you have to say? Does she belittle your opinions or ignore them entirely?