Dating in arranged marriage

These considerations vary but can include. Matrimonial websites [28] frequently use some of these factors to enable prospective matches.

If you’re willing to let an app pick a mate for you, why not give your parents a chance, too?

These items are usually returnable if the match does not proceed: In those scenarios, families customarily cooperate to eliminate any trace of a matchmaking conversation between them. If the prospective partners express a desire to meet or if the families are enthusiastic about a potential match, it is customary for the prospective groom's family to visit the prospective bride's family. It is traditional for the boy's family to arrive with the boy and be seated with the entire girl's family except the girl, who then makes a dramatic entrance dressed in fine clothes, often bringing tea and refreshments.

This practice is sometimes called "seeing the girl" and has been attacked by some Indian and Pakistani feminists as a classic instance of gender-bias and the objectification of women. The families usually part after this initial meeting without any commitment made by either side and with the expectation that they will confer separately and send word through the matchmaker should they be interested in pursuing matters.

These meetings are understood to be non-exclusive, i. There is an expectation of total confidentiality.


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If there is interest from both sides, the matchmaker passes the word to them. If the families are unfamiliar with each other or live in areas far apart, they will frequently launch inquiries through their social and kin networks, attempting to gather as much independent information as possible about the prospective partner.

Since urban Indian nuclear families often lack these extensive networks, many private detective agencies have begun to offer "matrimonial investigation services" since the s, which investigate the personal and professional histories of a prospective spouse for a fee.

Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?

Once there is mutual agreement between the prospective bride and groom that they would like to marry, and no red flags have emerged about either party in the inquiries conducted formally or informally, the other prospective spouses are declined and their photographs and other documents returned. Families usually attempt to maintain a high level of cordiality in these interactions, often invoking the idea of sanjog predestined relationship, roughly equivalent to the idea that " marriages are made in heaven " to defuse any sense of rancor or rejection.


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An engagement ceremony or a pre-engagement ceremony such as roka follows. In urban areas, the future spouses are often expected to go out on dates and develop a romantic relationship in the period between their engagement and their wedding. Though dating may not be socially permissible, nonetheless the couple may talk over the phone.

In India, marriage is thought to be for life, [37] and the divorce rate is extremely low. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. An advertisement for an online partner finding company, Hyderabad, India.

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Finding a match is easier than finding a parking space, Chennai, India. Arranged marriages Love marriage Matchmaking Marriage market. It was widely expected that the custom of "arranged marriage," so called, would decline as India modernized and as an individualistic ethos took root In ancient times, when the country was governed by Hindu kings, the Swayamvara system of marriage was very common.

It is the system of free, choice by the maiden of a husband In trying to better understand why most young, highly educated women I have known in Bhubaneswar continued to prefer arranged marriages over love marriages The swayamvara system of later times was, thus, foreshadowed in the Vedic times.

Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent - Wikipedia

Gandharva marriage, which is also part of the orthodox system This king's Gandharva marriage with Cakuntala, which is well-known especially through Kalidasa's drama, is a celebrated example Narada states without hesitation that this kind of marriage belongs to all castes alike The Manusmriti tended to lower women's status and deprived her of her traditional status in a variety of ways In the Muslim Middle East, bounded by Pakistan on the east, Turkey on the north, the Sudan on the south, and Morocco and Western Sahara on the west, early arranged marriage remains common Marriages in more traditional times tended to be arranged by parents, often before the girl reached puberty, and even the male partner did not always have a say in the selection.

This pattern of early arranged marriage Traditionally marriages are arranged between the families of the future spouses without the latter being consulted or even advised of the plans afoot. Preliminary talks would begin with a visit from the bridegroom's The answer to the raging hormones associated with teenage sexuality was early, arranged marriage, so that passion could have a socially Marriage is therefore a matter which is of concern to the group generally Families often affirm and strengthen their bonds through marriage between first cousins, unions that are permissible in Islam and thus legal in the country.

The arranged marriage is an institution which, in our society, has proved to be remarkably resilient. It has survived the potentially disruptive impact of various very powerful forces Though arranged marriage remains the rule, parents have also shown increasing willingness to adjust to their children's romantic aspirations. Both boys and girls boys more than girls may be allowed a right of refusal of the partners Joint Committee on Human Rights, A life like any other?

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It is important to make a distinction between forced marriages and arranged marriages Take, for example, the arranged marriage system. Once it relied on word-of- mouth. Today it is using matchmaking websites like shaadi. Parents or other kin may introduce the two, who then might spend some time getting to know each other In the past, the role of a matchmaker was performed by the family nai barber.


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Marriage negotiations are conducted in complete secrecy At any given time, in history, around the world, matchmakers have been social busybodies, making it their business to know who is doing what with whom Some people, for example, assigned astrologers the dual role of serving as matchmakers When will gender bias in matchmaking end?

Archived from the original on 10 October They were open to arranged marriages because to them it meant not just the exchange of photos and biodata, but initial introductions and then the freedom to get to know the person for some time before making a decision To an Indian, marriage is a matter of karmic destiny.

At a recent dinner party, when I was trying to explain how single-minded Indian parents can be, my friend Jaidev jumped to the rescue. You have a girl in mind? What are your intentions?

Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent

The pressure on me to find a husband started very early. Much savvier in the ways of his new country, my father laughed it off.

Marriage - Blind Date Version - Parhlo

Fulfilling his parental duty, my father placed matrimonial ads for me every couple of years during my twenties in such immigrant newspapers as India Abroad. Root vegetables like carrots are verboten. This is only a little shocking, since my last boyfriend was a Spanish chef who got me addicted to chorizo. Within these sites are sub-sites for Indian regions, like punjabimatrimony.

Far from being a novel approach to matrimony, these sites are a natural extension of how things have been done in India for decades. The author in her Fort Greene apartment.