How to message a girl for the first time on a dating site

The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes! Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. Awkward , sorry , apologize , kinda , and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages.

How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers | PairedLife

A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online. It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion.

How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers

These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often times per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and ahead of for jewish and for muslim. But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data.


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No one at OkCupid read any actual user messages to compile this post. Written by Christian Rudder. The words if you can call them that ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv, and wat, are the top nine worst words to use in an opening message.

Exactly What To Say In A First Message

Mails that contain these words will get practically no replies proving that intelligence or maybe just good grammar is an attractive trait in both sexes. Surprisingly, though, ha ha and lol were considered ok to use. Perhaps this is because using both these terms shows a sense of humour, another trait many seek in a partner. But hehe , while still effective tends to sound a bit like a supervillain. Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use correct grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit boring.

So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move. You could always spruce it up a bit and go with a foreign greeting, but make sure you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a bit of a Del boy. While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness.

Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests.

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

Talking about your own interests can give the recipient a good idea of what you are like. Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one. I know this is not marketing school but, like a marketer, you are trying to reel someone in. And just like an ad agency makes a call to action, you can too, by simply asking about an interest or even suggesting a dinner date.


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  5. Unless you are actively seeking a partner of a specific faith, then it is probably a good idea to leave out any religious words in your first message. Religion is always a bit of a minefield in the dating game and you really need to be careful not to offend anyone or risk being offended yourself. Strange how in the world of dating we have always been told that self confidence is extremely attractive, but the opposite holds true with regards to online dating.