Dating someone you dont find physically attractive

Chances are if you've dated someone for a significant period of time and have gotten to know them quite a bit then you'll probably know by then. Sadly most folks are in a hurry when dating so taking things slow might prove challenging. Still, stringing people along isn't very nice, so as soon as you figure it out you ought to let them notify one way or the other. They deserve to know if you're going to be serious about the relationship or if it would be best to go separate ways.

Should you date someone you’re not fully attracted to?

Maybe this is me. You could plop the most attractive man on the planet in front of me and I'd probably just go "Hello, nice to meet you. Saying what features I find attractive is very difficult for me because I don't really know until I actually am attracted to the person. And most of the time, it's because I find their personality or intelligence attractive, not their face and definitely not their bodies and I'm not even saying this as a joke; I sincerely mean it. You could very well be a demi-sexual as you've described your experience quite well and close to what they usually describe.

There's also the chance that you may be a romantic asexual. If your attraction is not based on physical features at all then this may be the case. Most people usually think something along the lines of incoming stereotypes:.


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They experience attraction quite early, demi-sexuals do not until they know the person. Romantic asexuals do not get this at all, they simply fall for people based on characteristics that have little or nothing to do with how their body parts look. Then you have sapiosexuals which fall in love with witty, nerdy, highly intelligent folks, regardless of how that intelligence manifests itself there are very many types.

We all have this at some level. For example people that say they're looking for compassionate partners are in fact looking for those that can empathize well, appropriately and swiftly according to changing conditions, or in other words exhibit a high level of emotional intelligence. When I was young I had high levels of it but as I grew I lost the ability. I had to retrain it later in life and it was challenging but very much worth the effort.

Lesson of the day, use your neural connections lest you risk losing them. In any case, be sure not to get too lost in all the labels. One more thing, 6 months is quite awhile usually, but this is purely my subjective opinion from my experience. I say this for demi-sexuals. Most folks develop feelings quite early on and they screen faster than 6 months. That may be one reason why you're having difficulties. Know that this is simply conjecture at this point. Most people usually think something along the lines of incoming stereotypes: I do this very rarely and only on crushes ex.

After I do know them, I actually do get sexually attracted to them but never before.

How to Date Someone You Aren't Attracted To (with Pictures)

My lack of interest in anyone has always confused my female friends because they could have long and very invested conversations in how cute someone is while I just kind of go "Oh, yes, I would say he's an objectively attractive person that fits a certain set of specific characteristics that people would find 'sexy'.

I would say I actually develop feelings and subconsciously repress attraction around months into a friendship. Well then you're certainly no asexual, just demi-sexual. My lack of interest in anyone has always confused my female friends because they could have long and very invested conversations in how cute someone is. Some ladies tend to do that, others actively avoid such talks for fear of being judged or revealing their inner thoughts. Men tend to be the same only they use slightly different affects and language tones to express themselves.

And of course not all men engage in such talk either, me being one such example. More interesting than scoring one person or another based on physical features for me anyway.

I Don’t Feel That “Spark”, Should I Go On A Second Date With Him?

I just kind of go "Oh, yes, I would say he's an objectively attractive person that fits a certain set of specific characteristics that people would find 'sexy'. That honestly made me chuckle.


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It sounds so much like something I would say in such a circumstance! If you were to guess why do you think that occurs? During this period are there any signs that you can consciously notice? If I may ask, how difficult is the process? To me it sounds like it would require at least a little bit of willpower to keep your feelings under wrap. Has there been an instance where you simply couldn't stand it any longer and simply decided to wear your heart on your sleeve and share your feeling with your person of interest? Typically, I think I start to develop feelings because I just mesh with them really well.

Most of the guys I've had crushes on, we could chat about random nonsense for hours and get very enthusiastic about similar things. A lot of the time, we have similar senses of humour and could build on each other's jokes and jabs. I start noticing I'm developing feelings for someone when I start thinking and talking about them a lot, but I usually just chalk it up to being around them so often.

I'm not a very emotive person to begin with. And I'm reasonably friendly to everyone, even people I really don't like. It's much harder hiding my disdain for someone than hiding my affection, because I don't really have to hide it. I just act like the same chatty and annoying person I usually am, except I'm more likely to hang around the person I'm attracted to.

What to Read Next

I tried to ask one of my crushes on a date. That didn't go so well; he declined in the weirdest way possible and I chickened out after that. Copped out with a "Oh, well, maybe we can go to that restaurant in a group of friends instead. We just returned to the normal daily fare of "Sup. How's it going, friend? I'd try it at least. I'd hate to think I missed out on the love of my life just because they didn't fit my preconceived notions of physical attraction.

Want to add to the discussion?

As for sex though I'd take someone that's Intersex at this point if she's feminine lol. I mean, I might go out with someone I don't find phisically attractive, because his personality might make me change my mind for better or worse. Such cases include asexual relationships, sham marriages between gays and lesbians that wish to keep up appearances, convenience marriages based on forging strong political ties or ties between families or simply done for the accumulation of wealth.

But those are the exceptions to the rule. What about typical relationships? Would you date someone you're not attracted to? If there is no attraction at all then surely no. People that have attempted to force love have found that in most cases it doesn't work. You cannot force yourself to love someone and you can't force someone to love you back. Also, I cannot imagine what it would be like for the other person to know that their partner isn't attracted to them. It would probably turn their world upside down. And even if they wouldn't ever reveal that secret and keep up appearances, at some point chances are they'll crack.

Because, let us be honest here, you can't fully love someone you're not into. You can care for them but it won't ever go as far as it normally would.


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  7. At some point you'll feel alone, almost as if you're not even in a relationship but worse because you've already made a commitment to someone to love them, in good times and bad, even though you're not attracted to them. The chances of such people cheating is also very high.

    It's hard just imagining it, living a complete lie. Now, if there's some attraction then here is where it gets complicated.

    As others have pointed out, you can try, but don't linger for too long or you'll break people's hearts and that's just horrific.