Funny perks of dating me tweets

Guy hilariously tweets all the ways moving in with his girlfriend is confusing and awesome.

Made a spot-on reference to Luis Mendoza from the Mighty Ducks 2 and heard crickets. Some hot guy at work today told me I had beautiful eyes, so naturally I responded with "yes" whyimsingle. You know it was a good dinner when you find ranch on your leg whyimsingle.

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I was making a pizza lunchable. My dog gets overly excited when he sees a man saying "are you my new dad?

Dating Fails

When i walk into a supermarket I open the automatic sliding doors by waving my hands like I'm a Jedi. I spent 10 minutes listening to a guy talk about cheese in excruciating detail before I realized he's married. When I think I'm winking, I'm actually just blinking whyimsingle. Dude told me I had "nice hair" today. The best part about living alone is probably not having to sweep the onion skins out of your bed every night.

The best part about living alone is walking into your house and taking off your clothes like they are on actual fire.

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One of the nice things about living alone is how much more time you can spend in the shower knocked unconscious. I liked it better living alone because there was nobody to get all bent out of shape just because I decided to sleep on the dining table.

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  • Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again. When your date says "I want to keep you.

    Funny tweets – (22 tweets)

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant. Told my mother to get me something nice while in Croatia, her answer "I don't think he'll fit in my suitcase" Cute guy is looking at you at the bar. Realize football game is on behind you. The closest thing I get to a cute text is when Netflix emails me about a new show I might like singleproblems sothoughtful netflixisbae. Just did a back bend to zip my dress singleproblems af.

    There should be a "National Thirdwheel's Day" so my couple friends can celebrate me.