It also allows you some latitude should you ever have an emergency and really need their help. Offer to return the favor and mean it, to pay them for gas, or do something nice for your ex when they do give you a helping hand. Make sure they know you appreciate their assistance and that they can also call you for help when they need it. If your ex helps you cut down and put up the Christmas tree you can offer to wrap his presents for him, bake cookies for him to take to work or send him home with a gift card to his favorite store.
If your ex wife picks you up when your car dies you should send her some flowers or maybe a gift card to a salon. Never ask for a favor and then act entitled to the service. Remember, you should treat them as a friend and not a servant. Keep the lines of communication open. Don't just call them when you need something. This doesn't mean just calling to chat since that could be strange, but you should definitely remember birthdays and holidays and send a card.
Why You Should Ask An Ex for Help When Dating Again
Say " thank you ". They didn't have to help you, but they did. Stay with the plan. If they go through the trouble of helping you out be on time to meet them, don't constantly change the time or place and do what you can to make it easier on them.
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If the plans must change, give them as much notice as possible. Know when to ask someone other than your ex.
If your ex makes you feel guilty, helpless or makes your life difficult you should look elsewhere for help. Start networking with other parents, co-workers, etc. Get a good support system and only call your ex when you absolutely must. Return the favor when your ex asks one of you.
Am I a heap of garbage for asking my ex for relationship advice?
It may be inconvenient, but if you want to keep your ex in your support system you should return the favor whenever possible and reasonable. Never use your ex. Your ex may still have feelings for you. Asking for help or using their feelings to your advantage is in poor taste. If necessary you should be very specific about your intentions and do not let them think it is part of a reconciliation. Dividing the responsibilities of child raising is expected.
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You shouldn't feel that asking your ex to take on certain responsibilities is a favor but part of the team parenting approach. Keep the communications open and communicate often about plans, events, appointments and finances regarding the children. Do not confuse team parenting with walking all over your ex. If you do ask them to go out of their way for something that is your task you should consider it a favor and thank them appropriately. Speak with your ex and mutually agree. Never expect and never make plans for them before discussing it first. Never use guilt to get your way. If they can't help you out, you should just move on to another option.
Trying to make them feel guilty for not helping you can damage the friendly relationship. Just because you were a couple once doesn't mean they are required to help you. Try not to hold a grudge if they can't help you.
Offer to help them with a project and perhaps you can develop a post break-up relationship that will allow you both to call on each other for a helping hand from time to time. If you want your ex to be in your support system you should take some initiative and make the first steps.
Doing a favor for an ex when they ask is one thing. Try not to overstep your boundaries and participate too much, showing up unannounced or using it as an excuse to spend time around your ex. You should always call and make sure it's ok. Limit emails and text messaging when trying to coordinate or communicate with your ex. This is especially important when working out complex issues. Nuances are often missed in texting and emails. Pick up the phone, have a conversation and make sure everyone is informed.
It will prevent misunderstandings and protect your cordial and sometimes fragile new relationship. Start with a text. If you still want your ex back after a couple of months, keep things low-key and send a friendly, short text. This can be a good way to judge if your ex has any interest in talking with you. Be brief and sweet, and say something like: Call your ex for a short chat.
If your ex replied to your text and the two of you have had even a short texting conversation, you can take the next step by calling your ex. Your ex could register these as red flags and decline your invitation to see one another. Ask your ex to meet. Would you be interested in joining me? This will also work as an effective way to gauge their interesting in rebuilding the relationship.
Tell your ex that you miss them. Explain that you still have feelings for your ex. Wait until your ex has agreed to see you a second or third time, and then talk about your feelings. Depending on how your ex feels, they may still harbor anger towards you, or may have moved on altogether. It may be appropriate to make a final appeal.
I just want one more chance to show how much I care for you. Apologize for things you did wrong. If you were the one who ended the relationship, or if you said hurtful things to your ex, you need to explicitly apologize. Own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for ways in which you may have wronged or offended your ex. If you reconnect with your ex but still harbor resentment or bitterness, the relationship is bound to fail again.
Avoid re-hashing painful past details. Focus on good things about your ex, and express these in conversation. Be discrete about what happened after the breakup. In the best-case scenario, you and your ex can get back together as if the breakup never occurred.