What to Do When You're Dating a Busy Guy | Her Campus
I also often make him a snack plate for right when he gets home and leave it on the counter so he can eat as soon as he comes in, because he's always forgetting to eat when he litigates and not eating makes him the crankiest person on the planet. The best things you can do for someone who is this busy and works this hard is to try to show them affection in ways that RELIEVE their stress and that don't demand time. At least with litigators, there are periods of insane business and periods of more normal hours, and I always know the normal hours we'll have more time together.
I have had a busy to insane schedule in the many years I've been with my husband -- but always found time to spend with him. I'd hang loose right now, as the ball is definitely in your romantic interest's court. But I have to say that really keen people find the opportunities to see and talk to the people they are keen on. That this isn't happening suggests your level of interest may be greater than his. And by the way, apparently extraordinary people like this guy may be around because they make a practice of really never being truly available.
Sometimes people stay away from making a commitment, because they prefer to be in control of the relationship, or because they like the flattery of being pursued and desired, or because they are not willing to trust someone else to accept their off stage persona. Not saying that is the case here, but reminding you that you don't know this guy very well, so stay alert. That sounds actually kind of great - I'm happy for you! Two busy people can make a great long-term relationship, though the early dating stages may be kind of hell on skates.
3 Rules for Dating Busy Men
For me, similar situations have resulted in getting extrmely casual around each other pretty quickly. I give the other person a run-down of my schedule okay, I'd love to do coffee, I'm free Tuesday at 2, Wednesday after work till 7, and then not again till Sunday, when I know you've got to work, but if anything changes Sunday afternoon would be awesome, otherwise maybe Monday lunch, so long as I'm back in the office by 1: The errands and the dates blur, and suddenly you're in each other's hip pockets and being super-practical, but having a great time.
It's too much work to have a budding relationship, which fosters kind of an all or nothing approach. For the short-term, your job is done - he knows you want to see him, and he's got some options of when that might be, so his next step is to send you a counter-proposal. If he doesn't do so right away, that may just be that the hypothetical counter-proposal would be for more than a week from now, and that feels ridiculous.
Give him some time after the weekend, if you know he's busy till then then get him on the phone and ask him to give you some options to see what might fit with you.
I can empathize with being busy, but I also know what it's like when someone uses busyness as a way of keeping me in a one-down position. When I'm extra-busy, I am more careful about being polite and keeping my word, not less. So if he is at any point actively rude or inconsiderate - ignores an invitation, stands you up, cancels at short notice without an excellent excuse and without proffering a concrete plan to make it up to you - take it as a sign of how important you are to him.
If he says "I'm super busy this week but can I call you on Sunday and see where I am," and then he does it - even if it's just to explain why he can't see you the following week - that's okay. If he doesn't call on Sunday, and then calls on Wednesday, that's bad, especially if he's only calling to tell you he'll call you sometime in the undetermined future.
You have to regard waffling as a way of putting you in your place, even if he's totally innocent and that's the furthest thing from his mind, because unfortunately you will end up in a one-down position because of it. You will be sitting by the phone at 10pm having waited all day for a call that never comes.
If he doesn't have time for this, why would he assume you did? If you end up having to call him on Wednesday, that's the absolute worst.
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If you do that, it should only be to draw a line under the interaction, as in "sorry we won't be meeting," and hang up on him for what you assume is forever. If he wants to come back to you, he can do it on his own steam and with a concrete plan for actually seeing you. If he calls back, but with more cat-stringing, maybe he thinks he's going to see you again, but you know he really isn't.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's basically the way it is. If they're busy, that's not a good reason for wasting your time and stringing you along. If they're really busy, they haven't got time to start new relationships. If I'm huffy about this, it's because I speak from a lot of bad past experience.
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I'm sore because I've recently ejected a colleague and supposed friend, because he keeps ignoring and waffling on an invitation networking appointment that he asked me to make in the first place, claiming to be overwhelmed by stuff that he must have known he would be doing literally months in advance. This, combined with a large number of tweets that regardless of what was really happening behind the scenes were incongruent, sometimes pointedly so, with being so overwhelmingly busy that he had no choice but to ignore my invitation - has made me feel manipulated at best.
Given our history, he could be trying to manipulate me into doing a number of things, but I have to assume that it's his passive-aggressive way of burning bridges because that's the only thing that wouldn't force me to throw away my respect for myself and him. He won't hear from me again, ever. So there was this one episode of How I Met Your Mother when Ted goes on a two-minute date with this girl because she's super busy.
Why not see if he can spare fifteen minutes for you to go for a quick coffee nearby or something? If being together is going to have to be an all-evening affair every time, of course you won't see him very often. Just slipping in a quick visit to see eachother's faces every now and then keeps the connection going. Maybe save this for mentioning next time he fits you into his schedule. At this point, it seems too early to worry about being disrespected and deprioritized and it might just add to your anxiety.
I mean, you went on one date and you've been in contact every day by e-mail in the ensuing week and he's responded to your suggestions. If he let you know that he's swamped at work this week, I don't really see this situation as a problem. You might not even have noticed or been anxious if you were in your normal mode instead of having all this free time with a month off.
While I agree with other folks that this is an issue if it becomes a pattern, I don't see anything amiss here at this point. There's always the possibility that the super busy is a front for letting you down easy, or that he always puts his work ahead of his relationships, but you're early in the game and I prefer to be an optimist.
I speak from particularly nasty past experience, so I am oversensitive about this stuff. Your case doesn't sound ominous at all. However, it's also true that I've never gone wrong by remembering that someone who wants to see me will hit the ball over from their court into mine soon enough.
If I'm interpreting something something too pessimistically, my impression is always quickly corrected with no harm done, because I always make sure my outward behaviour assumes the best even if my pessimism is working overtime. I'm in a similar situation with someone. She's a busy doctor who has just started her own practice, but I'm actually the busier one.
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We both are very attracted to each other and it's in the early stages. We made it clear to each other straight away that we cannot let this go beyond casual for now. And we don't play games, like a previous poster is suggesting you do. It's not about "levels of caring". It's all about taking everything day to day. Let it play out that way and you won't have a reason to suffer.
As someone who is actively trying to break the busy habit, I will say that being busy sucks and life is so much better when the expectations are more reasonable.
But putting myself in your shoes, what I'd do is to pick an arbitrary date, say, two weeks in the future, and pretend that I know I won't hear from him until then. I'd schedule up lots of fun with friends. Then, if I heard from him, great, bonus! Find out what these activities mean to him and be supportive. Keep it short and sweet. By doing this you stay on his mind and make him smile without creating drama. Be full of surprises. Romance is difficult for some in any circumstances, so go the extra mile for your busy man. Leave little love notes in his pants pockets, bring him his favorite carry-out during a late work evening or call him with a sexy invitation for a back rub after he helps his friends move.
Be honest with your needs. Dating a busy man means being flexible and creative. Meet Singles in your Area! Step 2 Listen to his needs. Step 3 Be flexible. Step 4 Keep it short and sweet. Step 5 Be full of surprises. Step 6 Be honest with your needs. Tip Have your own activities.