I read a recent article in which Leslie Jones stated that dating was hard for her and she said: Limited dating pools, a dating environment focused on quantity over quality, and the lost art of courting has just about been eradicated. It might be a little dramatic to say that courting is eradicated. In fact it can be more difficult to connect and find love. As a relationship coach, I see this happening to the best of the best.
But, through my journey, I think I discovered some things that help make the road to love less difficult. Stop doubting who you are as a person. If you have had multiple relationships where people you have dated have made the same or similar complaints to you about specific issues then there is a common thread. You need to do some reassessing and figure out how you can become a better partner.
Instead, focus on what qualities are important and non-negotiable to you. Yet, we do it a lot. These assumptions are just that, assumptions. Want to get clear on who someone is and what they are feeling or thinking? Instead, ask them the question as to why they are doing a particular action. Their answers may surprise you.
Why I’m Completely Giving Up On Modern Dating
Often, we are in our heads too much. What makes you successful in your career is different than what will make you successful in a relationship. Yes, you are rocking it at your company or in your entrepreneurial endeavors. And that is great! Relationships thrive on teamwork, compromise, more compromise, and a constant balancing between two people.
In a relationship, you are tested daily on your ability to balance your priorities with your partner.
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And the pendulum can swing any direction at any given moment, testing your tolerance, patient, and the strength of your relationship. Enjoy being single and use it to learn more about yourself.
Leslie Jones comment was likely overstated because she commented on her Twitter feed when she mentioned that she was working out hard to stay in shape. However, she lamented as to why being that she had no one in her life who was going to benefit from the hard work. Being single is a great time to grow, focus, and build yourself up. When you are in a relationship, things shift, and you have to make time and energy for your partner. When you are single, you have less distraction and more time for creativity.
So not only do you have to accept that your needs are not being met, you have to then go and make a man feel good about himself. My friend Shana, a year-old graphic designer, had a similar wakeup call in the summer.
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She was seeing someone who convinced her to get emotionally involved, despite her initial hesitation. When she caught feelings in return and asked him for exclusivity after a few months, he said yes.
"Why I'm Giving Up Dating Men and Just Staying Home"
This guy Kristan was hooking up with, for example, told her one night he was sick and staying in. She went out with friends, and saw him at the club. When he saw her, he proceeded to run away in order to avoid being accountable for his lie. We howled over it together. My friend Jenny, who stresses the importance of needs-based communication which is exactly what it sounds like: It was raining, so she asked her date whether they could meet closer to her house, since she was walking and he was driving.
She got angry—and he accused her of unfairly escalating the situation. When she told me the story, I laughed so hard I cried. These stories are so common that Paola recently created the Aubrey Graham Award for Softest Behaviour in a Romantic Relationship, featuring a tiny 3D-printed Drake sitting atop a trophy. She also created a handy SoftBoy Bingo Card.
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But we have our friends. We have the option for casual sex when we want it. Need to spot a softboy? Sign Up for Our Newsletter. I will also be percent okay if this year passes with no dates and no romance. I just want to live my life without the pressure of online dating. My life is not made better by dating; it is made better by investing in my family and friends, by reading great books, by spin classes and naps, by long walks with podcasts, by traveling, by snuggling with my dog, by writing and Netflix and football.
The truth is, I am really happy being single. I love having as much alone time as I want. I love making my own schedule and not having to worry about anyone else.
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The green monster of jealousy rears its ugly head when I see engagement announcements and cute couple photos, which tells me that I do want romance for myself one day. A life where I get to read and nap as much as I want. Sounds like you are listening to your intuition while still keeping yourself open! It was just plain exhausting and so time-consuming.
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And it was disappointing. I felt like some of my married friends sort of romanticized what it was like to be single and dating. They thought it sounded exciting and loved to hear about it but I did not find it exciting and I kind of hated talking about it. It was great to not have the pressure of dating. Around that time, though, I got set up with Phil and I had 2 other people off to set me up. It was so weird. It was like the universe was telling me this was the time to get back into dating.
I went on a blind date with Phil the first week of October and when I got home, I deactivated my OKCupid profile because I knew this guy was special and that we really clicked. And that was the end of online dating for me.
Of course my story with Phil is not all sunshine and roses as I got relocated in and he lost his dad that year so we both had tough years where we needed to focus on ourselves. But we always stayed in touch and then we rekindled our romance when I moved back. But it all worked out for the best and he was totally worth the wait! So good for you for recognizing that you needed to take this year off and just focus on having fun and enjoying your single status!